Recently I had a client ask “Lately I have been getting really sad about not having a significant other. Of course, I would love one, but I don’t understand why I always feel that I NEED one?”
With Valentines day just behind us, I am sure there were many people having those kind of feelings and thoughts. I saw various posts on Facebook about how “being single on Valentine’s day sucked”. Around us it seems that someone is always looking for the ONE.
There is a yearning deep within our souls to share the passion of life that we have with another. Sometimes this yearning can become so primal that it drives us to do some crazy and irrational things or make choices that are not always the best.
Additionally, our culture, the media, and past experiences show us and teach us that we need that someone to make our selves whole and complete. There then is our constant search for our soul mate, twin flame or the ONE. Sometimes even if we do find that person, we end up at some point still feeling incomplete.
The truth is that overwhelming NEED comes more from fears and wounds that have not been healed yet and our fear to go within to see what is there. We would much rather look outside of our selves to ease the pain, hurt and wounding; gravitating and attracting someone or something that will fill that void. When we do this and we do find that someone (or something), it is usually only temporary because at some point our inner shadows will surface once again; the “honeymoon” will be over and so might be the relationship.
Whenever I work with clients to help them manifest their soul mate, my primary work is to connect them deeply into their own soul and create a relationship there first. I do this by clearing and healing away the wounds of the past that keep them from connecting to them selves.
One thing I have found in my own life and in the work I do with others is the NEED to be with someone is often a reflection of not feeling complete or whole within our selves. All relationships are a reflection of your internal relationship so the most profound results begin there. Looking inward rather then outward and beginning to create and express a divine relationship with self is what will actually draw your soul mate to you, as well as shifting other relationships – friends, work, family.
When we connect to our internal soul-self and develop a divine love for self then when the ONE shows up he/she is no longer is needed to complete us and the relationship becomes a partnership and alignment in Divine Love.
If you are looking for that special someone, or maybe your current someone isn’t so special anymore, or you are simple feeling like there is something missing in your life then it’s time to look inward. Time to court yourself and begin to create a relationship with yourself.
I suggest that each day for the next 30 days (and even more) you have a special conversation with yourself, just as if you were speaking to the love of your life. In fact, try wrapping your arms around yourself everyday and giving yourself a big hug. Tell yourself things like – how beautiful you are, how much you appreciate yourself, how your enjoy spending time with yourself. Say the “I’m sorrys, thank yous, please forgive me and I love you to your self” * The things that maybe you wanted someone else to say to you but never did. Add more power to this by having the conversations with yourself out loud!
Sound kind of crazy? Yea, I know BUT; I also know it works because I did and I did find my Soul Mate and he doesn’t complete me; just makes life more magical!
Besides — what have you got to lose? Nothing. What do you gain? Love and Magic!!!
* This is the Ho’oponopono Healing Prayer.