It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, . . . it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Ahhh, the Holidays – they are the BEST of TIMES and they are the WORST of Times.
I LOVE the Holidays, I LOVE, LOVE Christmas. It has always been and is my very favorite time of the year. I love the sights, the sounds, the smells, the music, the cheer and all of those Christmas Carols and songs.
BUT sometimes I dread the holidays and cringe a bit when they come around. Right along with the mistletoe, Yule log burning and Holiday cheer; it seems like this time of the year can bring up overwhelm and anxiety. How many movies, stories or anecdotes have we heard and seen about holidays – the expectations, the family drama, the overwhelm, the materialism and so on.
At the beginning of each year we all set intentions to create a year that is better than the one before. Last year was a pivotal year all around as we heralded in the Big Shift of 2012. The new 5th Dimension energies have certainly shifted us in big ways giving great opportunities to change our old ways of being and stepping into the new paradigm.
Last year I struggled a bit with the drama of the Holiday gathering. This year I only felt a tiny little tug trying to pull me back into the old ways. I was able to recognize it as old patterns and behavior and stood empowered in that.
The old me might have had a churning stomach and heart beating just a bit faster as cords of expectations and old ways would begin pulling at me. Not only the expectations that I perceived from my family but also ones that I had placed on myself.
How about for you?
Does the Holiday season create more stress than peace and joy?
Is there just too much family drama and expectations that you are tired of dealing with?
Are you ready to find the quiet eye in the center of the drama storm?
Do you want to participate in the holiday gatherings with family in a more loving and compassionate way and be filled with peace and joy?
Here are three powerful steps to create a peaceful and drama free holiday season or anytime of the year.
First, take a quiet look at what experience you want to change and who is it with. Just like in the story of Scrooge – let the Ghost of Christmas Past take you back down memory lane to past holidays. Just observe them without judgment. Writing a couple of paragraphs helps and then reading it back out loud will really give you some good insight.
Second, using the Drama Triangle of Disempowerment put the names of the people where they belong. What role are you and your family member playing? You may even be playing more than one role. However, it doesn’t matter which role you feel you play or where you start you will always end up in the victim role if you stay stuck in any of the roles.
Third, now ask yourself some questions?
Is that who I really am?
Am I really the (victim, rescuer, or persecutor)?
Do I want to be that?
When you realize the role that you play in the scene, you now have a choice as to whether you want to play that role. Your experiences will reflect how you hold yourself and define yourself. If you chose to be defined in that role as the victim, the rescuer or the persecutor/bully, then you become confined and restricted by that.
ARE YOU READY TO STEP AWAY FROM IT and LET IT GO?
Take three deep inhales and exhales to center yourself within.
Imagine the Drama Triangle as a triangle laying on the ground. Use paper with the role written on it or a stone to mark the points. Now step onto that point, the place of the role that you are – the victim, the persecutor/bully or the rescuer. Now who are in the other points? Imagine them in the triangle with you. What does it feel like? Try moving into the other roles? What do those feel like?
Take a nice deep breath in and out. See yourself being attached and confined to them by the lines of the triangle. They might even look like chains and shackles. LET THEM GO. See them drop into the ground. Physically use your hands to remove those chains and/or shake them off. Feel yourself being released by those chains or cords. Let your body and emotions express themselves anyway that feels right. You may feel the need to scream, shout or move around to break free.
Once you have released yourself– STEP INTO THE CENTER and take a nice deep breath in and out. Feel the calm, the quietness and peace of the center. Breathe deeply into your solar plexus – the power and center of your being. Feel this new freedom and send some energy of love, forgiveness and gratitude to the others that were on that triangle with you and especially to yourself.
Repeat as necessary for other people or experiences you wish to let go of.
It’s important to remember that even though you’ve stepped out of that Drama Triangle the other participants might not have and will still want to engage with you. Hold the vision of those cords dropping away from them as well with love and compassion. If you see others in a healed and whole state your experience with them will be much different. Remember their journey is theirs but you don’t need to be disempowered by it!